Dreaming of Ashes

A woman
She rides to my window this evening
The moonlight shines yellow
Around her soft steed
She holds up the Earth and my
Dream shouts her whispers
The world will pay blindly for their blissful greed

Her form
Clearly comes from the dirt that I stand on
She tells me her horse has not 
Eaten in days
By the look of her pale skin
She’s not had much either
And I can’t help but wonder at her spiteful gaze

Her deep eyes
Fall darker the moment I meet them
As if I’m the one 
Who has taken her food
But I feel her, I help her
And I wish her upon me
Until I feel as if I’m the one to intrude

My home
It’s foundation turns slowly to ashes
Together we find hers
To be buried beneath
I plead to her swearing
My build off as virgin
But her essence gone
Leaves no more to bequeath

The gifts
That were given
All fall by the wayside
As I scream at the children
Their problem to wreathe
I throw them the keys
And I run to the garden
I’ve a shovel to dig but no air left to breathe

It’s surely too late
Now to reach for the inside
Within my mistakes the door
Must’ve been locked
So I throw myself
Into this grave that I’ve dug up
And realize with horror that God never walked

She rode
A white mustang
Through the darkness of midnight
While a world that she gave us
Fell cracked at the seams
So tread this Earth lightly
And care for its future
Or my true love will surely be there in your dreams

My true love
She rides to my window this evening
The moonlight shines yellow
Around her soft steed
She holds up the Earth and my
Dream shouts her whispers
The world will pay blindly for their blissful greed


 
Mother Asks

Must we always play the role of Judas
Not that she cares
She’ll be back for another round
Sprouting her fists through our ashes
We betray ourselves
And for what
A metallic jingle
To score our run for hell?

Mother asks
Will we choose the warmth and safety
In her arms
Or the food that lies across the way
For the taking
If we truly are the monkey
Could we really learn to just breathe
And take only what we need?

And whether we try to or not
We answer.


 
Growing Pains

Each morning like clockwork
I would race the sun to some glassy waters
Of Tigris creek
And while I danced with each catch
I
Was the only person alive in the world
Only to be interrupted by the call of the owl
Or a fleeting whiff of cinnamon bark
And when the sun sets
On each year, the mountain was there for me
With dry wood to burn
And big game to hunt
Together we’d work through
Every bite
Of the snow and bugle
Of the winds
Because under the thick ice
Every fish was still alive and dancing

But soon came the growing pains
And life’s unstoppable force
Money
Rang louder than the call
Of the wild birdsong
And even if I wanted to
Staying wasn’t listed as a rational choice
So the city gained a speck
And despite the detachment
From everything I was made of
I left at first with a certain
Excitement, curiosity even
What lies beyond the reach of the wild
In the out there
But I only fit six moons
Before the blinding lights spun around my mind
And the never-ending noise never ended
And I tried to think but couldn’t
And I wanted to breathe but wouldn’t
Before all I wished was to return
To the mountain’s open arms
Unharmed

Packing up this time was much easier
Nostalgia for what was
Became hope for what would be
And the pictures returned
Flooded my mind
Of my creek
And my catches
They must be waiting to dance with me now
Wondering where I’ve been
Why I haven't come to visit
Birdsong rang in my head while I raced back home
And I was just starting to catch that sweet familiar scent
When I saw the smoke
Stumps
Shiny oil washing
Over the rocks where I used to cast
Beautiful colors replaced aggressively
By a greyscale
Inceptive destruction
A fool I was
To think that lust I’d witnessed
Was contained to the city
No
I’d never get to dance again

When the realization finally hits me
Sinks in like a holy ship
The love of my childhood
And heart of my planet
Gone
I think I’ll stop the hunt
How could I go on?
Or maybe this rage
This heartbreak for my mountain
That lies battered and used
Abused
Is just fuel
Maybe it’s what she wanted
And my only choice
Isn’t to quit
Or to move on
But to fight…

About the author:

Aside from being a student at Weber State University in Utah, Payton Pan is a documentary filmmaker and avid outdoorsman. He enjoys creative writing pursuits, especially regarding advocacy for the environment. Payton has previously studied at the University of British Columbia, in Vancouver.

Feature image by British Library on Unsplash