How Do I?

How do I explain it?
This emptiness I feel,
How my world stands still.
I’m at the center,
And everyone’s moving too fast.
Perhaps it’s a relative error,
And it’s me who can’t go on anymore.

How do I put it into words,
That I didn’t only lose you?
As you packed up to leave,
In your box laid hope,
Hope of what could have been.
Inside laid dreams,
Ones I hoped would be real someday.
Inside was another chance,
Another shot that’ll never see the light of day.

How do I make it clear,
That I’ve become lost too?
Parts of me,
Like shards of a broken vase,
Scattered around,
Never again to be the same.
How, in your box, I saw me too.

How do I break it down,
When I do not understand it?
I’m sad and angry, but at whom?
I’m longing, but for what?
I’m keeping up a façade, but why?
I’m numb, and it’s the only state I welcome.

How do I explain it?
The misery that I feel,
When I never felt,
Like you were ever mine to lose.


 
To Be Human

…And isn’t it just cruel?
How you could be somewhere,
Goofing, making new memories,
Smiling or dancing,
Simply living,
While somewhere else,
Someone you hold dear
Draws their last breath.

Did they fight,
Desperate to snatch their lives back from death’s grasp?
Did they give in,
Tired of the curse breathing had become?
Did it hurt?
Did it feel like freedom instead?
In that last moment,
Did they shed their last tear?
Did their faces freeze in fear?
Did they smile one last time?

I think it’s damn cruel,
That you’ll never know
Because you weren’t there.
That, in that moment,
You were obliviously human.


 
For Eliza

Today is weird,
We’re donning uniforms.
Strange, I could have sworn we’d grown past that.
Your smile shines brightly,
Your teeth, a ravishing contrast to the ebony hues of your skin.

Something is wrong,
Why am I holding you tighter than I should?
What is this relief I fear I shouldn’t feel?
It’s like Jesus and the lamb,
Feels like you’ve been lost and found.

It’s like I’m standing on a rug,
Soon to be ruthlessly pulled out from under me.
So, I feel the need to burn this moment into my memory.
Let’s hope I don’t lose this image,
When my brush meets its canvas.

Wait! I remember now.
It’s all coming back,
Making some sense, yet none at all.
The rug’s slipping and I’m slowly tripping.

Dear Eliza, please stay.
Spare me another moment.
Would you please allow me a simple goodbye?

It’s too late,
My eyes stare wide and I know she’s gone again.
I turn off the stupid blare of my alarm,
And wipe the memories sneaking through my eyes.

About the author:

Olorunnishola Taiwo (she/her) is an Electrical & Electronics Engineering student based in Nigeria. Drawing inspiration from life and her imaginative mind, she strongly believes that imagination is the true guide to creation. When she’s not writing poetry, you can find her crocheting, delving into a good book, or making music. She eagerly looks forward to sharing her poetry with the world.

Feature image by Boston Public Library on Unsplash